Mini-Moribund Mini-Moribund

Candy Training
a Mini-Peter Adventure transcribed by Nikki, 2007

October 3rd-10th: Preparing for Halloween!

     Halloween has always been my favourite holiday. Not only do you get to dress up in costumes (the crazier, the better), people give you candy for it! When Mini-Peter found out about this, he was excited, of course, but he had a concern that I would not have expected.
     "How much candy does one usually get?" he asked me.
     "It depends on how many houses you trick-or-treat."
     "What's the average around this neighbourhood?"
     "I got a fair amount last year, it's a good area."
     "Hmm..." he looked troubled.
     "What's worrying you?"
     "Oh, nothing, just... nothing."
     But later that day he came to me and announced:
     "I think it's time to begin my candy training."
     "Candy what?" I asked, confused.
     "Candy Training," he repeated. "I need to get in shape for all this candy eating."
     "What do you mean?"
     "I mean, I need to learn how to eat large amounts of candy without getting sick."
     "Ohhhh." I nodded, trying desperately to be as serious as he was, but I soon broke into a fit of laughter.
     "What is so funny?!" he asked, appalled at my rudeness.
     "Nothing! I'm sorry. If you think you need to train for eating your Halloween candy, I would not dream of hindering said training. Just let me know what I can do to help."
     "All right then," he agreed, satisfied. "To start with, I'll need some candy."
     "Of course you will. Any special requests?"
     "Something Orange?"
     "I never could have seen that one coming," I chuckled.
     "Look, if you're not going to take this seriously--"
     "No, no, I'm sorry, you're right, it's very serious. I'll pick up some Orange candy for you on my way home from work tomorrow, okay?"
     "Thank you."

     As promised, I stopped at a liquor store the next day and picked up a few varied items so Mini-Peter could begin his training. First on the list, M&M's Minis, in the Orange container!


     "I don't think cats are supposed to have chocolate," I warned.
     "No, it's all right," Kitty informed me.
     "Yes," Lugnut backed her up, "Fluff Cats can have chocolate, it won't hurt us."
     "Are you sure?" I asked.
     "Absolutely!" they said in unison.
     "Well, okay..." I agreed. So Mini-Peter graciously shared his Mini-M&M's with Kitty and Lugnut, and the Fluff Cats ate their portions without incident.
     "And how are you feeling?" I asked Mini-Peter, who was pacing himself.


     "I seem to be fine so far," he told me. "I don't think chocolate will be a problem."
     "Okay, good." Chocolate Training complete - it was time to move on to something a bit more challenging. I dug in the bag and pulled out the next treat.


     "Look at that, it's as big as your head!"
     "This looks good, what is it?"
     "Now these are a bit tricky," I explained to him. "It's a Tootsie Roll Pop. It's a sugary coated lollipop with a chewy Tootsie Roll center."
     "What's tricky about that?" he queried.
     "Well you see, they used to have this commercial on TV with this wise old cartoon owl, and the children asked him 'how many licks does it take to get to the center,' but when he tried to find out he always bit it."
     "Why did he bite it?"
     "Because the Tootsie Roll is so good he couldn't wait to get to it. It's the great unanswerable question - How many licks does it take? Nobody could ever make it without biting."
     "Did you ever try?"
"I did, actually, and I made it, but I lost count of the licks. It was somewhere around 1500, but I couldn't say for sure, so the question remains unanswered."
     "This is brilliant! This is the perfect training tool! I must make it to the centre without biting." He took a deep breath, tore off the wrapper, and stared at the pop.
     "Are you sure you're up for this? Your tongue is one-sixth the size of mine and it took me two days."
     "I can do it!" He replied with startling determination.
     "Okay then. Good luck!"
     "Here we go..." he raised it to his mouth, and took the first lick. "One..." he counted.


     "How do you like it?" I asked.
     "Fine, fine," he nodded, deep in concentration. "I mustn't lose count, now - I'm sorry but I shouldn't be distracted."
     "Okay, I'll leave you to it then."

     I kept an eye on him while I tidied up my room, and he seemed to be doing quite well, but while my back was turned I could swear I heard a *crunch*.
     "What was that?" I asked.
     "Nothing!" he replied quickly.
     "Did you bite it??" I questioned suspiciously.


     "I cannot even begin to fathom that you could ever consider accusing me of such a thing!!" he exclaimed.
     "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I must have heard something else. Please, continue."
     "Right, now where was I?" he flashed me the dirtiest of looks as he tried to remember where he had left off. "Ah yes. Four hundred seventy-three." He continued his licking. I shook my head and continued my work.

     The next day, he had made noticeable progress, but still had a long way to go.


     Feeling okay?" I asked.
     "Three thousand, five hundred ninety-eight," lick, "three thousand, five-hundred ninety-nine," lick, "thirty-six hundred. There." he stopped.
     "Break time?" I asked.
     "Yes, I always stop at a round number so I'll remember it when I pick up again."
     "You could write it down," I suggested.
     "No need. Thirty-six hundred. I'll remember."
     "Okay. How are you feeling?" i asked again.
     "I had a queasy moment or two around the three-thousand mark, but I hit my second wind and I'm doing fine now."
     "Good, you're doing really well, I'm proud of you."
     "Thank you."

     It was on day five that he came to me excitedly with a breakthrough - literally!


     "Look!! See this? I've reached the Tootsie Roll!"
     "That's great! You did it! How many licks?"
     "At nine thousand, eight hundred sixty-four, I first suspected that I'd broken through, but I wasn't absolutely certain until seven licks later."
     "So you did it! That's a lot of licks!"
     "I don't feel I've really finished, though."
     "No, I think I should get through all of the orange candy before it's truly official."
     "Oh. Well, okay, if you think that's the right way to do it, I guess that sounds fair."

     I had to give him credit, he was taking this very seriously. He licked day and night, carefully counting, concentrating, never breaking his stride or taking a day off. He meant business!


     "Oh no..." he mumbled as he awoke the next morning.
     "What's up?"
     "I fell asleep licking, I'm not sure where I left off. No... no, this can't be!"
     "Well think hard, surely you can remember."
     "No..." he sighed. "Wait - I had a dream... giant Orange numbers spinning around me... five of them. One... Two... Six... Four... Nine... over and over... that must be it - Twelve Thousand, Six hundred Forty-Nine!"
     "There you go! And you're awfully close, I think. You could be done by the time I get home from work!"
     "Yes, you could be right."

     Sure enough, I returned home from work to find Mini-Peter chewing happily on the Tootsie Roll middle.

the middle

     "You made it! Congratulations!"
     "Thnk ywww" he said with his grinning mouth well full.
     "So what was the final count?"
     "Thirteen thousand, eight hundred seventy-five," he announced proudly.
     "That's a lot of licks. I can't believe you made it! Well done."
     But that night he came to me with a look of guilt.
     "I have a confession," he began glumly.
     "What's that?"
     "That first day... when you heard the crunch..."
     "I bit it. Just once - I never did it again, but... I did bite it. I'm sorry I lied."
     "Oh... well, I forgive you. I certainly don't condone lying, but there are worse things to lie about than biting a Tootsie Pop, and I appreciate your honesty even if it's a little belated."
     "Yes but I fear my final count may be inaccurate because of it."
     "Ah. Yes, that's a good point."
     "I think I might have to start over."
     "Start over?"
     "I want to be sure."
     "Of course. Well I'll get you another one tomorrow, then."
     "I appreciate it, thank you."
     "No worries. Get some sleep, you're going to need it."

The next day:


     "Oh stomach," he moaned as he clutched his abdomen, "don't fail me now!"