Mini-Moribund Mini-Moribund

Collecting Orange Things
a Mini-Peter Adventure transcribed by Nikki, 2007

March 25th: Everyone needs a hobby!

     I'm a bit of a collect-a-holic myself, so it didn't really surprise me when Mini-Peter informed me one day that he had taken up collecting Orange Things. I asked him what sorts of things.
     "Anything Orange," he replied. That seemed straightforward enough, so I helped him out when I could, bringing home plastic rings and lids off milk bottles and stickers from work. He was very grateful for my help, and he even let me come along with him on a hunt.

     Some things, I learned, were easy to get.

orange paper

     Other things were a bit more dangerous to acquire...


     "Do you really think that's a good idea?" I asked.
     "They have plenty of mouses*, they'll never miss it."
     "Maybe not if you take it while they're sleeping, but Mackaroo was actively playing with that one!"
     He just shrugged and headed back to his box to add these two new items to his collection.

(*mouses is, of course, the correct plural form of mouse when it refers to cat toys... but I'm sure you knew that already.)

     It was then that I noticed how he had decorated the inside of his box.

box decor

     I laughed when I saw it.
     "What's so funny?" he inquired.
     "You should have seen the walls of my room when I was in high school."
     "Orange Things??" he asked hopefully.
     "No, Paul McCartney. Never mind. Show me some of your collection, why don't you?"
     "Sure!" he agreed, dragging his stash out from behind his box and laying it out for me to see.


     "A lighter?" I asked with concern. "You won't burn the place down, will you?"
     "What am I, a child?" he replied, mildly insulted.
     "Hey, that's my Sharpie! What if I need it?"
     "You'll know where to find it now, won't you?"
     "I suppose. Just don't go tagging anything, okay?"
     "I would never," he swore. "I did use it on this, though."

guitar pick

     "That's all right, I guess. Now you just need a guitar. What is this?" I picked up a little piece of plastic.
     "Be careful with that!" He shouted, snatching it gingerly from my hand. "This was my very first Orange Thing!"
     "Oh, okay. But what is it?"
     "It's an oddly shaped bit of broken plastic, obviously!" he informed me with a roll of his eyes.

bit of plastic

     "Of course, how silly of me."
     "It's got a large crack almost all the way through it and I'd really rather you didn't touch it."
     "Okay, I'm sorry. But wasn't your vest your first Orange Thing?"
     "Why must you insist on trying to ruin my fun? First Orange Thing I collected on my own."
     "I know, I'm just kidding. I'm not trying to ruin your fun. It's very nice."
     But he had already moved on. "Look, this one matches me perfectly," he displayed.

hot sauce

     "That's great. Just don't open it, or you'll be putting your Orange scrubbing brush to good use again."
     "Ha." he deadpanned. "I found this in your closet. Could you please tell me what on Earth you need a ski mask for? And an Orange one, at that?"

ski mask

     I chuckled. "I don't know, I saw it somewhere and it amused me so I had to get it. I'm glad someone's getting some use out of it, anyway."
     "It's ridiculous, but I love it. And what is this?"


     "That's a drawing tool, but it isn't even mine! Is that my roommate's?"
     "I don't know."
     "Was it in his room?"
     "Well... yes..."
     "Then I suppose it's probably his, don't you think?"
     He shrugged sheepishly.
     "Don't worry about it," I patted his shoulder. "He doesn't draw much anymore, so I won't tell on you. I bet if you ask him nicely, he'll let you keep an eye on it for him. Just don't take anything else from his room, okay?"
     "Okay, I won't. Thanks!" he smiled.

     Once we'd gone through everything, I helped him gather up his Orange Things to put them away. It was an impressive collection, I had to admit. He promised not to take anything else out of my roommate's room, so I allowed him to collect his Orange Things in peace.

     We've only hit two more little bumps so far... the first was when I couldn't find a gift certificate that I eventually remembered was Orange...

gift certificate

     The next occurred when my roommate came home from work one day and started frantically searching through some papers on the kitchen table.
     "What did you lose?" I asked.
     "My car registration tag. The old one expires tomorrow, I know I left the new one right here. Have you seen it?"
     "I don't think so." I thought for a moment. "Wait... what color is it?"
     "Orange, I think."
     "Ahhh. Orange. I'll be right back." I went to my room. "Mini-Peter?" I asked.
     "Hmm?" he asked innocently, looking up from his web browsing.
     "Have you seen a white piece of paper with an Orange sticker on it?"
     "I don't think so," he said, looking back to his Google search of the word 'Orange'.
     "You're absolutely sure? It's important."
     "How important?"
     "Very, very important."
     He let out a great sigh. "Oh all right," he confessed, dragging his feet all the way to his box and reaching behind the insert to retrieve the missing registration.


     "But it wasn't in his room," he argued. "That makes it fair game."
     "It has his name on it."
     "He let me keep the triangle!"
     "If he doesn't put this on his car he'll get a ticket, which you can pay for with all that money you've been saving up for a leather jacket."
     "Oh, fine!" he exclaimed. "Go ahead, take it." He handed it over, then crossed his arms and sulked like a true professional.
     "Here, look..." I offered, feeling guilty. "He doesn't need this little piece here." I peeled off the extra bit of sticker on the side that just says "PEEL HERE" and handed it to him. "You can have this, it's Orange."
     "Really?" He grinned. "That's not so bad, then. It's not as big, but at least I still have the same number of Orange Things."
     "There ya go. See? I'm not so mean."
     "No, you're okay, I suppose. Oh... that reminds me." He scuttled away behind his box and emerged with some flowers. "These were Orange when I picked them, but they dried to a dark red, and I don't really want them anymore, but you can have them, if you want."


     "Aww, Mini-Peter, that's very nearly sweet of you! I appreciate it."
     "Well, you know, I don't collect red things, after all."
     "No, of course not." I just shook my head as I accepted the flowers. What a character. Only one thing concerns me... there are no flowers in the apartment... where did he get these? Has he been outside? Oh boy... we'll have to talk about that, but I'll do it later. I can't yell at him when he's just given me flowers.